


I Can't Drown My Demons, They Know How To Swim

by CaptainDean13



Series: Help! I need somebody... Fics [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha Natasha Romanov, Alpha Pepper Potts, Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Beta Bruce Banner, Beta Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes Feels, F/M, Hurt Bucky Barnes, M/M, Omega Bucky Barnes, Omega Clint Barton, Omega Tony Stark, POV Alternating, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-01-30 23:14:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12663426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainDean13/pseuds/CaptainDean13
Summary: Captain America was a beta.  No question.  So when the Winter Soldier is revealed to be Bucky Barnes, it shouldn't mean anything other than a long lost friend alive and in need of help... right?





	1. I Long For That Feeling To Not Feel At All

**Author's Note:**

> Both the main title and the chapter titles are from Bring Me The Horizon's [Can You Feel My Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AVRCQBc59w) (epic song and video)
> 
> The second fic from my [desperate plea for help](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9863594/chapters/22132664) :)
> 
> Rated Mature for now in anticipation of the rest of the fic... might change as I continue posting.

**NATASHA**

It shouldn’t have surprised her that Stark was the one who set him off. Steve’s control had been wavering ever since the fall of SHIELD. She understood – or as much as anyone could. And yet she still wasn’t prepared. 

It was only a couple of weeks after the incident. Steve had been out of the hospital for almost a week and he was nearly fully healed. They had gathered at Avengers Tower – Natasha, Steve, Sam, Tony, Clint and Bruce – to discuss a plan for the Winter Soldier. 

Of course that meant that as soon as they were all in one room, Tony was arguing for a full on assault on Barnes. 

“I mean, I get that he was your friend at one point, but come on Cap! He almost killed all three of you several times, and by extension the rest of us because you know all of us had to be on Insight’s kill list. I’m just saying that whoever he used to be is dead and gone. We should find him and put him out of his misery.”

_**God DAMMIT Stark!**_ Natasha thought as she registered the low growl beginning to emanate from Steve. Glancing over, she took in the way Steve was gripping his thighs, eyes shut tight, and was across the room in an instant. Crouching on the arm of the couch Tony was sitting on, she clamped her hand over the omega’s mouth, cutting off whatever he’s been about to say. Letting just a hint of alpha command leak into her voice she said, “You need to stop talking. Right now.”

Without releasing her hold on the engineer, Natasha quickly scanned the room. Clint was frozen in his perch on top of entertainment center, staring at her with wide eyes. She sent a brief pulse of reassurance through their bond, along with a command to stay put. Clint relaxed and Natasha could feel his assent trickle through the bond.

Sam was halfway between her and Steve, looking between them as if trying to decide which alpha he needed to calm. With a nod, Natasha urged the beta toward Steve.

Bruce had also gotten to his feet at her sudden motion and was hovering near the door, ready to flee if the situation became too intense.

Tony was twitching under her hold, but was smart enough not to try and escape. 

Finally, she turned to Steve. Natasha could see that some of the tension had eased from his frame, even more so when Sam laid a careful hand on his shoulder. Still, she was cautious as she asked, “Steve?”

Steve sucked a sharp breath in through his nose and shook his head before opening his eyes to meet Natasha’s. “I’m good.” He replied. Slowly, Natasha released Tony. 

Tony was silent for a moment and then he asked quietly, “What the fuck was that?”

“It would be… prudent of you to refrain from saying anything negative about Barnes. Like ever.” Sam answered. 

Tony snorted. “Why? Because he was Capsicle’s buddy? Cause let me tell you- “

“No.” Steve interrupted. The barest hint of a growl laced his voice. “Because he is my mate.”

“Bullshit.”

_**For once in your life, Stark, shut up!** _

Steve had gone dangerously still. “Excuse me?” The tone was dark.

Natasha moved to gag Tony again, but a gesture from Steve stopped her. **_He needs this._** She realized. _**He needs the confrontation, to work out some of his anger.**_

Tony, as ignorant of the emotional atmosphere as always, continued. “You’re a beta. Betas don’t mate.”

“No.” Steve agreed. “Betas don’t. However.” He locked eyes with Natasha, warning her of what he was about to do. She nodded, bracing herself. Steve then turned to Sam. “Can you? It’s been awhile and right now…”

“I’ve got you man.” Sam assured him, moving to stand directly behind Steve’s chair. Waves of confusion were washing through her bond with Clint, mirrored on Bruce’s face.

Steve shut his eyes and blew out a breath. His body rippled, posture relaxing into the loose-limbed grace of the large predators. His eyes flashed as he opened them to look at Tony. Steve’s voice was dripping with alpha power as he said, “I am not a beta.” 

Natasha watched out the corner of her eye as a wide-eyed Bruce edged toward the door.

“That’s impossible.” Tony was blinking at Steve in shock.

“Is it?” Steve growled, eyes narrowing. Sam placed both hands on the alpha’s shoulders. Steve subsided under the peaceful influence of the beta. 

“But you don’t have a scent…” Tony trailed off as Steve quirked an eyebrow at him. Steve rolled his neck, posture relaxing even further, and waited. Tony stiffened a moment later and – 

Natasha was on top of the entertainment center, pushing Clint behind her, vicious snarls ripping from her chest. Her instincts were screaming at her to protect her omega from the overwhelmingly angry alpha. 

Clint was clinging to her, whining through his teeth. 

Tony was cringing into the couch. 

Sam was in front of Steve, hands gripping his shoulders hard enough to bruise, attempting to help the alpha regain control. 

Bruce was gone.

Long minutes passed as Steve brought himself back under control. Finally, he looked up at Sam with a shaken expression. “Sam, I- “

“I told you I had you, didn’t I?” The beta interrupted. “I’ll admit, you even startled me, but everything is cool.”

Steve turned to the rest of them. “I’m so sorry.”

Natasha forced herself to unlock and ease off the entertainment center. Clint followed closely, staying behind her. She gave Steve a rueful half-grin. “Fucking hell, Rogers.” 

He winced. “I shouldn’t have let myself go. I know better than that. Or at least I should.”

“Hey. Your control is beyond anything I have ever seen. There aren’t many alphas, myself included, that are as skilled at keeping their instincts locked down like that. And with everything that has happened? It’s unbelievable you didn’t snap.” 

“It’s the serum.” Steve explained. “It enhances everything. Bonded alphas have better control than unbonded anyway.”

“You were bonded before the serum?”

Steve snorts. “Bucky and I have been bonded since we were teenagers. His parents were furious, but we always knew we were it for each other.” He sobered. “The serum is also responsible for my… lack of control. When I surrender myself to that side, it’s like… like everything is amplified. I should have warned you. It’s why I wanted Sam close.”

Thinking back to her own reaction minutes before Natasha cursed. If those instincts are amplified… _ **God help whoever tries to come between Steve and Barnes.**_

“St-Steve?” Comes Tony’s terrified voice from the couch. The color drains from Steve’s face and he starts toward Tony, freezing when the motion causes the omega to whimper and curl further into the cushions.

“Fuck. Tony I’m so sorry. I never … I shouldn’t have... I’m sorry.” Steve sounds absolutely horrified. “JARVIS- “

“Ms Potts is already in route.” The AI returns.

Punctuating that sentence is the arrival of a snarling Pepper. She takes in the room in a glance and immediately heads to the couch. Tony launches himself into her arms as soon as she is in reach. Cradling her omega protectively, Pepper asks the room at large, “Who?”

Steve swallows. “Me. I scared him. I scared everyone.”

That was enough to surprise Pepper to stillness. “You?”

“It was my fault.” Tony’s voice was muffled by Pepper’s shoulder. Pepper looked from Steve to Tony and then turned to Sam as the most reliable source of explanation. 

He kept a careful eye on Steve as he said slowly, “Steve isn’t actually a beta. He is an alpha.” Ignoring Pepper’s stare, Sam continued. “We were discussing Bucky- who is Steve’s mate.”

“What?” Pepper managed. Steve reached up and pulled aside his shirt collar. There, plain to see against his fair skin, was the two-point scar of an omega’s bonding bite. 

Pepper’s long years of practice with Tony allow her to assimilate that information faster thatn the rest of them had. She returns her gaze to Sam. “What happened?”

“Some of Tony’s… suggestions… of what to do about Bucky didn’t… uh… sit well with Steve.”

Steve flushed and Tony burrowed closer to Pepper. “They tried to warn me to back off but – “ 

“But you have never been able to control your mouth.” Pepper sighed.

“Why?” Clint speaks for the first time. He is still hovering just behind Natasha, but has shifted sideways to better see Steve. 

Steve looks up. “Why?” He echoes.

“Why pretend to be a beta?”

Steve looks at him incredulously. “Alphas can’t lead.” Now the incredulous looks are directed at Steve. He rolls his eyes. “World War II. Only betas were allowed in command positions. They didn’t think alphas could control their instincts. They let me lead because my control was enhanced, but the general public couldn’t know.”

“Wait – Barnes was a Commando. Nat and I had to get special permission to fight together. How did you manage that back then?”

A glint of humor lightens Steve’s face. “Who exactly was going to try and separate me and my recently rescued omega?”

Natasha suppressed a shudder. _**He must have been a terror when he got Barnes out after Azzano.**_

“Steve?” Tony’s voice is still quiet but no longer terrified as he gazes out from under Pepper’s chin. 

Steve’s face is still guilty as he addresses the omega. “Yeah Tony?”

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

The pain is clear in Steve’s voice as he replies. “My bondmate was dead.” Everyone flinches at the words.

Bonding is a permanent, once in a lifetime ordeal. The bond connected the two souls. It was how mates could pass feelings and ideas back and forth. When one of the mates died, the other lost more than half their soul. It didn’t usually take long for the surviving mate to follow the other.

“The plane.” Natasha says in understanding.

Steve nods. “Peggy had convinced me I could at least do some good before I went.”

The heavy silence that follows is eventually broken by Sam. “So, obviously, I have no real experience with this…” he hesitates a moment, “the part I don’t understand is how you didn’t know he was alive. Can’t you … feel him?” Sam finishes apologetically. 

“There- There are drugs-“ Pepper says haltingly, tightening her hold on Tony, “that can dampen the bond.” 

Steve nodded. “I think that’s what they must have done at first. After I woke up though it was different. I think – I think whatever they did to him, however they… programmed him, it’s fucking with the bond. I don’t know how to explain. It is like a dull, throbbing ache, like – “

“Like the gap from a missing tooth you can’t stop probing. Or a bruise you keep pressing. If you leave it alone it recedes to a dull pain but if you don’t it is sharp, demanding. And yet you can’t stop.” Natasha finishes. Steve meets her gaze with shock and she watches as his eyes move to Clint with new understanding.

_**God the week Loki had Clint was the worst of my entire life. I could barely function through the pain. Steve has been living like this for YEARS. And if Steve and Barnes’s bond was enhanced by the serum as well then…**_ “How are you still sane?” Natasha asks, hearing the horror in her own voice.

“Sometimes I am not sure I am.” He answers, frighteningly honest. “It is how I know Bucky is still in there though – I am getting… flashes. Nothing concrete, but vague feelings and impressions. Mostly confusion and fear. I think he is breaking the programming. I have to find him.”

“We will.” Natasha assures him, voice steely with promise.


	2. Can you Help the Hopeless?

STEVE

It takes them six weeks.

Six relentlessly frustrating weeks that Steve would never have survived without his team. Sam never strayed far from his side, ready to calm him if need be. Natasha’s commitment to finding Bucky was unwavering, keeping Steve from dwelling when it seemed an impossible task. Tony and Pepper were applying their considerable resources to the cause while Bruce and Tony spent hours in the lab writing codes to follow any hint they uncovered.

Steve… well, Steve mostly just tried to keep himself together. The flashes he was getting from Bucky were a mixed blessing. The relief of feeling Bucky again was soured by the emotions pouring through the bond – confusion, fear, pain, guilt. The knowledge that his omega was out there alone, feeling those things and that he could do nothing to help was testing Steve’s control in ways he hadn’t experienced since… well since Azzano. Steve could feel the Rage creeping closer as the days passed. If they didn’t find Bucky soon, he wouldn’t be able to stop it even with Sam and Bruce’s help.

**_Please baby,_** He thinks desperately, sending it through the bond. **_Please give me something, anything to help find you._**

For the first time, he gets an actual response instead of the involuntary sendings of before. It is a set of coordinates, accompanied by a surge of pain and two simple, pleading words: **_alpha, help._**

Steve has to call on all his ridiculous control to fight back the Rage. He is shaking as he dashes toward his room to get his shield. It is more growl than words when he snaps, “JARVIS. Get everyone in the common room.”

The AI simply chimes in acknowledgement. Steve grabs his shield and heads to the common room, prowling the room as he waits for the others.

Steve’s not sure if it is JARVIS’s doing or mere coincidence that Sam is the first one to arrive. The beta comes hurrying in and then rears back as Steve’s raging pheromones strike him, a startled “Fuck!” falling from his lips.

“Steve, man, you need to calm down, ok? JARVIS said you needed to talk to everyone, but no one is going to be able to concentrate with you like this. Jesus, I think you’d send Natasha right into a Rage. Bruce would Hulk out. Tony and Clint would be cowering in the corner. Come on, man, I know you can do this. Breathe Steve. Focus.”

Sam continues to speak in a low, calm voice as he slowly approaches Steve with his hands out to the sides, releasing calming pheromones as he goes. It is enough to let Steve get a firmer grip on his control, enough to stamp down on his scent. Sam visibly relaxes and calls, “Alright, JARVIS, tell the others we’re ok.”

They file in, Natasha in front. She gives him a wary look and her nostrils flare as she catches the lingering pheromones. Steve shifts away as she enters the room, maintaining his distance. Tony and Clint stay behind Natasha when they come in and Bruce merely comes to the doorway. Steve knows he will regret how difficult he is making life for his team later, but right now he can only focus on Bucky.

“I know where he is.” Steve growls.

“How close?” Tony asks.

“West Virginia. From what I picked up he just kept moving away from people.”

“Too far to drive it with you this close to breaking.”

Steve is shaking his head even before the words are out. “I can’t – I have to fly. I need to get there. Now. None of you have to come… it might be better if you don’t. Once I get to Buck…”

Sam studies him for a moment and the says. “I am coming. I can handle you and him. I might even be able to help a little. But you are right. The others should stay here. Not only do I think you will have trouble maintaining control, but I think it might be better if you don’t try.”

That has Steve blinking. “I don’t- “

Clint, surprisingly, is the one who speaks up. “Sam is right. Barnes will need you to be you. He’ll be able to sense you holding back through the bond. I am guessing right now he is feeling guilty and scared. You show up holding back – he is going to think everything he fears is true and you are angry with him.” The words ring with a dark certainty.

“I’m going too.” Tony says. He doesn’t say a word through the protests of everyone, just watches Steve with serious, stubborn eyes.

Steve cuts through the noise with one word. “Why?”

“Because the last time you and he were near each other you almost died. I know that was his programming. But who knows if it will take over again when he sees you? You, me, Hulk and Thor are the only ones that can stop him without killing him. Thor is gone, we can’t subject Bruce to that, and we all know you won’t stop him. I am not going back to waiting in that hospital to see if you live or die. So I am coming. The suit will be able to keep you and Barnes from smelling me and me from smelling you. It will work. And if you try to leave me here I’ll just follow.” He admits, lips quirking.

Contrary to popular belief, Steve does know when a fight is hopeless. The fact that most of the time he fights regardless is irrelevant. Steve sighs and nods, trusting Tony and Sam.

“Let’s go.”

**_I’m coming baby._ **

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve is able to keep himself in check during the flight. Despite exceedingly violent protests from his teammates, Steve refused to wear his uniform. Instead he is in his oldest jeans and an oversize sweatshirt he usually sleeps in – soft, comforting clothes that have his smell embedded in them. He warns Tony, and the engineer simply flips his faceplate down and spreads his arms in a “you see?” gesture.

Sam was fully suited like Tony. Steve was trying very hard not to dwell on the implications of that, instead focusing on keeping a steady reassurance flowing through the bond.

When they finally land, Steve turns to his two friends. “Please – let me go in alone first.”

Tony looks ready to argue, but Sam places a hand on his shoulder and shakes his head before addressing Steve. “Remember what Clint said.”

Steve gives a jerky nod and then turns to exit the jet. It was almost too easy to release his control and let his alpha side take over. It felt like stripping off a too tight shirt – Steve finally felt like he could breathe. The bond was practically humming with how close Bucky was. A sharp spike of anxiety came from Bucky before Steve felt him attempt to damper his side of the bond.

**_Don’t you dare._** Steve sends, a deep growl rumbling from his chest. Steve inhales deeply, searching.

There.

The scent isn’t quite right. But beneath the spoiled milk taint of fear, the reek of cheap over-the-counter blockers and something else he couldn’t name was a whiff of the scent that Steve could never mistake.

He follows the smell to a thoroughly run-down hunter’s cabin. Easing open the rickety door, Steve enters the one room shack to find his mate curled in the far corner. Between his position and the darkness in the cabin, Steve can’t tell much about his condition.

Steve sinks to his knees in the middle of the space and softly, so as not to startle the terrified omega, begins speaking.

“Hi baby.” Bucky twitched at the sound of his voice but otherwise didn’t move. “God, am I glad to see you. Oh honey, I missed you. I thought I had lost you.” Tears thicken his voice, his wildly fluctuating emotions finally catching up to him. Buck whines softly. Steve can feel his conflicting emotions through the bond. He tilts his head, considering his next move.

Clearing his throat, Steve growls, “Mine.” The word has Bucky’s head snapping up to look at Steve for the first time. Terror and hope compete for dominance in his expression. “You are mine, omega. My own. My cherished. My beloved. I am here for what’s mine.” Steve infuses the words with as much Alpha command as he can summon.

Bucky hits him so hard he flies back to hit the ground. His arms come up instinctively to lock his sobbing mate to his chest. Buck is squirming, trying desperately to get closer, burrowing his face into Steve’s neck. Steve buries his own in Bucky’s matted hair, soaking in the smell of his omega.

He is not sure how long they lay there before he murmurs, “Come on love. Let’s get you home.”

His motion to sit them up is abandoned when Bucky begins making panicked noises. “Hey, hey, it’s okay baby. I’ve got you. I’m not letting you go this time.” He shifts his hold on Bucky and sits up with the omega cradled in his arms. Bucky immediately twists and wraps himself around Steve, clinging like an octopus. Steve breathes a laugh and uses one hand to steady Buck as he uses the other to get to his feet. He opens the door and hesitates.

**_Anything you want me to take with us?_ **

Bucky shakes his head and Steve carries him out and towards the jet. Steve stops a couple yards out. “Guys?” he calls, pitching his voice to carry.

**_Others?_** The wary question floats through his mind.

**_Friends._** Steve assures him.

Sam ducks out of the jet. His eyes take in Steve’s armful and he smirks. “Guess you didn’t need me after all, huh man?” At the sound of Sam’s voice, Buck whines and burrows further into Steve’s neck. Steve makes nonsense reassuring noises and rubs his jaw along Buck’s cheek. Bucky is shivering.

**_Baby? It’s okay. Really, I promise. Sam is just here to help._ **

**_No. No. I did… I tried to kill him._ **

Steve carefully blocks the litany of swears going through his head. He should have seen this coming. “Sam?”

The beta takes a cautious step closer. “Steve?”

“Bucky remembers some of what happened a few months ago.”

Sam’s brow furrows and then clears. His gaze softens as he studies Bucky. “Hey – Bucky?”

**_Go on baby._** Steve encourages, shrugging his shoulder slightly. Bucky clings tighter and his breathing edges toward hyperventilation, but he turns his head to eye Sam from under Steve’s chin. Sam smiles at him when he sees him watching.

“I don’t blame you for anything that happened. You couldn’t help it and all of us survived so – “

Confusion seeps through the bond but before Bucky can even begin to formulate a response, Tony lands next to Sam with a thump and says, “Barely.”

Buck startles badly at Tony’s sudden appearance and lets out a terrified yelp as he scrambles away. Steve doesn’t have a chance at controlling himself at this point. He snarls at Tony in rage and stalks toward him. He is tracking Bucky through the bond, enough to know he hasn’t gone far, so he can concentrate on removing the threat. The bastard that scared his Bucky is retreating and the beta is putting himself in between them. He doesn’t move when Steve growls in warning. Instead he seems to be speaking. Steve doesn’t bother trying to interpret the words – they are unimportant. He continues to stalk forward, snarls increasing in violence.

Steve can feel Bucky approaching, and his hackles rise even further at the thought of his mate being anywhere near the man in the suit. He reaches out and grabs Buck once he is close enough. Steve drags his omega behind him, baring his teeth at the man trying to approach.

**_Alpha. Friends, right?_ **

Steve stills as Buck wraps his hands in his sweatshirt and presses his forehead between Steve’s shoulder blades.

**_Wasn’t expecting – don’t hurt – didn’t mean._** Bucky is trying, but Steve’s rage is screwing with his instincts. If Steve can’t calm down, he’ll go full Rage and Bucky can sense it. Steve growls between pants as he attempts to regain some coherency. He hears a ruckus back where the men are and then he is hit with the scent of distressed omega from both sides. The man in the suit, Tony¬ – his mind finally supplies – has popped his faceplate and is watching Steve with wide brown eyes.

“Tony?” Steve manages, scent triggering pack instincts. The omega’s face relaxes in relief.

“I’m sorry, Steve. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Tony what did you do? I was – am- almost gone. Why did you lift your faceplate? You had no idea how I’d react! I didn’t recognize either of you!”

“I was hoping you would react like this. Bruce and I have speculated that if we had a strong enough alpha the team would have morphed to be a legitimate pack. Turns out we did. I hypothesized that in alpha mode you would recognize the bond.”

“For the record, I told him he was crazy.” Sam interjects. “Are you good, Steve?”

“Good enough.” Steve replies, trying to figure out the distress he could feel pulsing from Buck. Turning, he cupped his omega’s face and nuzzles him.

**_What’s the matter, love?_ **

**_Nothing._ **

Steve barely refrains from rolling his eyes. **_Yes. That was believable._**

**_You have pack now?_** The words are hesitant, coming through the bond one at a time. Bucky tries to shield his emotions, but Steve gleans enough.

**_Baby, they are your pack too. You are my mate. You are the only thing that matters. If they can’t accept you then they aren’t my pack. Come on, I need to get you home._ **

Bucky nods and wraps his arms around Steve’s neck. Steve sweeps him up and Bucky returns to his octopus impersonation. He wraps an arm around Bucky’s hips and uses the other to gently cradle the back of Bucky’s head where it is tucked under his chin. Honestly, the arm isn’t really necessary – Bucky is clinging tightly enough to hold himself up.

Steve carts Buck over to Sam and Tony. His instincts are still in control, so he doesn’t hesitate to lean down and scent first Tony, then Sam. Tony immediately returns the gesture, then lifts questioning eyes to Steve before leaning in and gently scenting Bucky. Buck freezes in surprise, but after receiving the mental equivalent of Steve’s I-told-you-so face, he twists and scents Tony. Sam follows suit, and Bucky relaxes as he breathes in Sam’s steadying scent.

Buck buries his head in Steve’s neck again and Steve smiles. “Let’s go home.”

Steve settles in the back of the jet with Bucky in his lap. Secure in Steve’s arms, Bucky drifts off not long after they get in the air. Steve can’t help the rumble that starts deep in his chest as his mate goes warm and soft in his hold, melting to lay along Steve’s body.

Sam comes over and grins. “Man I didn’t know you purred.”

Steve flushes and the rumble cuts off. Then Bucky stirs fretfully, and Steve immediately resumes. He looks up at Sam and says quietly, “I am so sorry for earlier.”

Sam shakes his head. “Steve, we knew you going full Rage was a possibility. You didn’t.”

“I scared you and Tony again.”

“Yes. But we signed up for it. And something good came out of it – we now know you have a pack.”

Steve arches an eyebrow. “I have a pack?”

Sam flushes and Steve enjoys seeing it happen to someone other than him. “You really want me in your pack?”

“Of course I do. Sam, you were there when I had no one else. You are all that has kept me semi-sane for the last several months. You are my best friend.”

Sam’s face is doing complicated things, but before he could reply, Tony yells back, “We are about to land.”

“You gonna wake him or just carry him in like that?” Sam asks, expression returned to his normal good humor.

Steve gives him a look that tells him that their conversation is not over, then glances down at Bucky. “I don’t know. My gut reaction is that he will panic if I don’t wake him up before taking him off the jet, but… honestly, I don’t think he has slept much if at all. He is exhausted. He needs sleep.”

“So just let him sleep here. It’s our jet, right?” Sam reasons. Ignoring Tony’s disgruntled, “It’s my jet!”, he continues, “You can stay on the jet until he wakes up on his own. He should probably be rested before meeting the rest of the team anyway.”

“That’s a good idea, Sam, thanks.”

“Do you want us to stay?" 

“Thank you, but – “

“You want some alone time with your boy?” Sam laughs. “I had a feeling.”

Tony lands the jet and then meanders back to join them. Sam takes one look at him, clamps his hand over Tony’s opening mouth and hauls him off the jet. He closes the door and Steve is left with Bucky in the quiet.

For a long time he just sits there, content to hold his mate. Steve doesn’t sleep, but his mind feels warm and fuzzy as he soaks in Buck’s closeness. He is drawn back to reality when Bucky begins to stir. Steve frowns when he feels the fear and pain beginning to flow through the bond. Bucky cries out and Steve jolts upright, holding Bucky close.

Baby wake up. He follows the sending with actual words, in case the nightmare has Bucky too wrapped up to hear their bond. Bucky whimpers and Steve moves one hand to cup the back of Bucky’s head and pull him away so Steve can see his face. His heart clenches when he sees the tears rolling down Buck’s face. He tries to wake him up again, but when that doesn’t work he leans in and sweeps his lips over Bucky’s before nuzzling his way down Bucky’s neck to his mating mark. Keeping his lips tucked between his teeth and Bucky’s skin, Steve bites on the mark gently.

Bucky gasps and arches, pressing into Steve. He blinks his eyes open and looks at Steve in bewilderment before reaching out through the bond. **_Stevie? This is real. It’s not another dream?_**

Heart breaking, Steve replies in kind. **_No baby, it is not a dream. I found you. I got you. I am never leaving you again._**

Tears streaming down his face, Bucky leans in and once again buries himself into Steve. Steve has the feeling this is going to be a common thing for the foreseeable future, something he is completely fine with.

Pressing his lips to the top of Buck’s head he sends, **_We are home. Can we go in? I need to get you cleaned up and check you over. Then we should feed you. And you need to meet the rest of the team._**

Bucky whines and Steve reels himself in. **_Sorry baby. For now we just need to go inside and let me check you over ok?_**

**_Alpha… I don’t… I’m not…. I look different than I did._ **

Steve snorts in amusement. **_Uh, Buck?_**

Bucky glances up at him through lowered lids and certain parts of Steve’s anatomy begin taking an inappropriate interest in the situation. He shifts slightly and a faint hint of humor floats through the bond – the first Steve has felt since Bucky broke through.

**_Ok._** Bucky concedes. **_Not the first time that has happened to us. But Steve – it’s bad. I don’t want you to have –_**

Hey! Bucky I love you baby. Nothing will ever change that. You are gorgeous baby. But if you don’t let me check you over I may freak out a little – my control is … iffy these days.

**_Yes Alpha._ **

**_My precious Omega._** Steve gets to his feet, keeping Buck where he is. “Don’t freak out okay baby?” He warns Bucky and then says, “Hey JARVIS? Could you let everyone know that Bucky and I are going to my suite now and we will check in with them later?”

“Of course, Captain.” The AI’s accented voice is soft enough that Bucky just tightens his hold on Steve. “Sir would like me to tell you that he has sent supplies to your suite and will have some food sent up in a while.”

“Thank him for me?”

“Certainly Captain.” 

JARVIS opens the elevator for them and brings them up to Steve’s floor. Steve walks into the suite and stops in the living room. **_Want to take a look?_**

Bucky tightens his hold on Steve. **_I don’t have to put you down for you to look._** He lets his amusement bleed through the bond, but tamps down on the mixture of dark emotions that swirl up at the thought of what his omega has gone through. Bucky was never this clingy, not even during his heats or when he thought Steve wasn’t going to make it through the night due to whatever aliment of the week.

He is dragged from his morbid thoughts by Bucky cautiously lifting his head to peer around. Surprise flits through the bond. **_It’s big._**

**_Tony is Howard Stark’s son. It is his tower. He puts us all up._** That catches Bucky’s attention.

**_Howard? Really? He-_** Buck stiffens and Steve does a second later when he is struck by the flurry of _guiltpainhorrorguiltwhatnoguilt._

“Buck?! Talk to me baby.”

**_Oh God. Oh God, Steve. I – I think I killed Howard._ **

Steve sways for a moment. Fuck. How is he supposed to deal with that information? _You don’t._ He thinks to himself. _Not now, anyway. Take care of Bucky. Then handle the rest._

**_It will be ok, baby. For now let’s get you cleaned up._** Steve carries Bucky to the bathroom, grabbing the bags of supplies Tony had provided on the way. Once there he is presented with another dilemma. **_Bath or shower?_**

Bucky shudders. **_Bath, but will you…?_**

**_I can get in with you. We need to undress first though and I don’t know if I can manage undressing us both without putting you down._ **

**_  
_ **

Steve feels Bucky’s fingers tighten convulsively even as he sent the mental equivalent of a nod. Glancing around the bathroom, Steve focused on the customized vanity Tony had installed for him. It was taller than average, to accommodate his height, and reinforced. Carrying his mate over, Steve realizes the counter was almost level with where Bucky was clinging to him. He lifts the omega just slightly and rested his weight on the counter.

**_There._** Steve sends with a pulse of warm amusement. **_Now you don’t have to release me all at once. We can do it in stages._** A surge of gratefulness washed through the bond and Steve pressed a gentle kiss to the side of Bucky’s head before leaning back and gently pushing Bucky’s chest away from his own. Bucky’s breath sped up and his legs clamped tighter around Steve’s waist, but he slowly unwound his arms and let Steve put some space between them. He refused to let go completely, fisting his hands in the front of Steve’s sweatshirt, but it was enough to let Steve take in what Bucky was wearing.

While he still seemed to be wearing the pants and boots he had been on the day of the helicarrier, Bucky had added at least four layers to his torso. They seemed to be a mix of patterns, colors and sizes, leading Steve to guess that Bucky had merely grabbed what he could find on the run.

Steve carefully unzips the oversized leather jacket topping the layers and coaxes Bucky into letting go one hand at a time, so he could pull his arms out. A zip hoodie and a too small button up plaid follow in the same fashion. When Steve tries to pull up the long Henley, Bucky whines and presses himself back into Steve. Muttering reassurances, Steve guides the back of the Henley up and over Buck’s head and down his arms. He then repeated the action on himself, pulling his sweatshirt and undershirt off in one move. Bucky flung the fabric between them to the side before plastering himself to Steve. Both shudder at the feel of skin on skin. Steve indulged his skin hunger for a few minutes before the sudden silence as JARVIS turned off the bath water reminded him of his goal.

Removing their boots and pants without breaking their connection was more complicated, but Steve managed with only a few complaints from his mate. Sweeping both Bucky and the supplies back into his arms, Steve made his way over to the steaming tub. He sent a silent thanks to Tony as he sank into the opulent tub – big enough to hold both him and Bucky comfortably sprawled. Bucky moans as he feels the water close over him, and lets Steve arrange him to be nestled between Steve’s legs, side pressed to his chest.

Rifling through the bag of supplies, Steve uncovers the softest sponge he had ever felt; a smaller scrubbing brush; gently scented soap, shampoo and conditioner; a comb; a cup; and a detangling solution that Steve was intensely grateful for after looking at the rat’s nest of Bucky’s hair.

Deciding he might as well start there, Steve gently tilts Bucky’s head and uses the cup to thoroughly wet his hair. He begins to massage the shampoo into Bucky’s hair, huffing a laugh as Bucky began to purr. Feeling Bucky’s pleasure at the gentle touch trickling through the bond, Steve continues the massage until Bucky is a melted mess of contented humming against Steve’s chest. Steve carefully rinsed the shampoo and repeated the process with the conditioner.

By the time Steve was finished, Bucky was more asleep than not and JARVIS had refreshed the water twice. Moving cautiously so as not to disturb his mate, Steve lathers up the sponge and begins to clean Bucky, starting with his flesh hand. Steve catalogued every scrap and bruise as he went, making sure there were none that needed attending. He was just beginning to relax, having found nothing but minor injuries, when he ran the sponge over the shoulder that merged with the metal arm.

Bucky startles up with a yelp before scrambling away from Steve, snarling in warning when Steve reaches out. Steve freezes and waits until Bucky has put himself at the other end of the tub with a wall at his back. Then he hesitantly reaches out over the bond, sending waves of remorse along with the words. **_I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. It is alright. I won’t do it again. I am sorry. Please come back._**

The snarling cuts out and Bucky blinks rapidly, shaking his head before a confused **_Steve?_** flits across the bond.

**_I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was an accident. Please come back over here. I will be more careful. I prom-_** Steve is cut off by Bucky surging across the tub to huddle in his arms again.

**_You wouldn’t hurt me._** Bucky interjects confidently. **_Accident._**

**_Does it hurt all the time or was it something I did?_ **

No response.

**_Bucky._ **

**_Surprised me._** Bucky finally replies, refusing to meet Steve’s eyes.

**_Bucky._** Steve takes a deep breath. **_Let me in. I want to see._**

Bucky shakes his head frantically. **_No! Stevie, no! It’s ok! You don’t need to –_**

**_Baby you just proved I do._** Steve interrupts. Adding a hint of power to his words he repeats, **_Let me in._**

He feels Bucky acquiesce, the connection opening wider. Concentrating, as he hasn’t done this in years, Steve focuses on Bucky and let everything about himself fade into the background. He keeps focusing until he feels the shift of his mind into Bucky’s and then –

It was all Steve could do not to scream.

White hot pain radiated from the tips of his left fingers all the way up into his jaw. His head was pounding in time with the crackle of nerves concentrated in his shoulder. Steve gagged and then slowly began drawing the pain across the bond. He feels Bucky struggle weakly as he realizes what Steve is doing, but Steve firms his hold and merely thinks Let me help. Bucky starts to argue, but Steve pulls more of the pain to his side and Bucky goes lightheaded at the relief. Steve continues pulling until the months of exhaustion, ill nourishment, and sudden lack of agony combine to overwhelm Bucky and he passes out against Steve.

Returning to his own mind, Steve blinks and groans as he registers the deep ache that had manifested as he drew the pain from Bucky. Pushing the pain aside he decides to just take Bucky to bed. When Steve attempts to pick Bucky up, however, he almost passes out from the pain in his arm.

He must have made some sort of noise, because as soon as the ringing in his ears subsides Steve hears JARVIS anxiously inquiring if he should alert someone. Realizing that he is likely to injure both Bucky and himself if he attempts to get them into bed, Steve answers the agitated AI. “Yeah, can you get Sam and Tony up here please JARVIS?”

“They are on their way Captain.” JARVIS replies. He begins draining the tub, allowing Steve to drag over a towel and clumsily dry Bucky off one handed.

The elevator chimes and Sam calls quietly, “Steve?”

“Bathroom.” He called back, unconcerned about volume. Sam appears in the doorway, Tony right behind him. “I could use a little help.” Steve adds sheepishly.

“What’s going on man?” Sam asks as the two approach.

“Bucky’s arm – the metal one – it’s… Jesus it is so Goddammed painful. I honestly don’t know how he is functioning at all with that level of pain – let alone using the arm. It feels like it is submerged in acid. I am hoping you and Bruce might take a look at it tomorrow, Tony. I can’t leave him like this.”

“Those fucking bastards.” Tony’s voice is cold and hard. “I was wondering how they gave him control – they must have wired it directly to his nervous system. Sounds like they did a pretty piss poor job of it if he is in that much pain. Bruce and I should be able to help, Cap.”

“Thank you.” Gratitude nearly chokes Steve, making the words slightly strangled. Tony nods.

“So.” Sam claps his hands. “You just want us to help you get Bucky here into bed without jostling him too much is that it?”

“Sort of…” Steve hedges.

Something in the tone of his voice must give him away. Tony narrows his eyes and tilts his head for a moment and then his eyes widen. “Steve, what did you do?” He asks, concern edging into his tone.

“I had to.” Steve defends. “I couldn’t leave him like that!”

“What? What did he do?” Sam asks, bewildered.

“Jesus, Steve! How much did you take?” Tony demands. “Can you even move it?”

“I took enough.” Steve glances at his sleeping mate as he answers.

Tony heaves a defeated sigh. “Sorry, I know you can’t have just left it. You didn’t answer my question though – can you move the arm?”

Steve drops his eyes and slowly shakes his head.

“Dammit Steve.” Tony snaps before taking a deep breath and letting it out through his teeth. “Here’s the deal,” He says to Sam, who had been watching the back and forth like a ping pong match, confusion clouding his face. “Some bonded pairs have the ability to pass more than just feelings and words over the bond. It appears that Steve and Bucky here are one of those pairs. Our own personal martyr decided it would be a good idea to take the pain from Bucky boy and deal with it himself.”

Sam closes his eyes and rubs a hand over his forehead. “Of course he did. How did I not know this was a thing? I have never heard of it before.”

“It’s rare.” Steve answers. “Tony and Pepper are the only other pair I have ever known.”

“You can do that too?”

Tony nods. “Pepper used it a lot when I came back from Afghanistan. I didn’t know you knew about it though.” He directs that at Steve, who shrugs. Rolling his eyes, Tony continues. “So you and I are going to have to get Barnsie into bed … and probably help Steve too, if it is as bad as I suspect it is.”

Sam nods and leans over to grab Bucky, which is when Steve realizes they have a problem – his arm is still wrapped around Bucky. Steve sucks in a breath, trying to summon the will to move it.

“Steve.” Tony is crouched next to him on the floor, dark eyes heavy with sympathy. He has one hand on Sam, keeping him from touching either Steve or Bucky. “Do you want me to do it?”

Blushing, ashamed of his weakness, Steve nods. Tony grips his chin and pushes it back up until Steve meets his eyes. “We’re pack remember?” He says firmly. “Never be ashamed of asking the pack for help.”

Steve nods and Tony watches him a moment longer before turning his attention to the tangle of limbs in the tub. “Alright Sam. Get down there. When I lift this arm, you slide Barnes out of the way so I can lay Steve’s arm back on his chest. I only want to do this once.”

Sam moves to the bottom of the tub without argument. Tony gently wraps a hand around Steve’s wrist and the other around his elbow, careful not to move the arm as he did. “Alright.” He says, voice firm. “Count of three. 1… 2… 3.” Tony twists Steve’s arm up and away. Steve arches with a howl muffled behind clenched teeth as Sam yanked Bucky off of Steve and into his arms. Tony quickly guides Steve’s arm back to his chest and held it there until Steve slumped back against the tub, panting.

Sam, who has managed to get Bucky propped against the side of the tub with his head on Sam’s shoulder, is paler than Steve has ever seen him. “Well,” he croaked, “that was fun. Let’s not do it again, ok?”

Steve manages to snort a laugh and Tony gives a strained chuckle. Tony checks that Steve is alright where he was before moving to help Sam get Bucky up and out of the tub.

“Watch the arm.” Tony warns. “We don’t want to hurt him more, even if he is unconscious.” The two manage to get Bucky propped between them and out of the room. Steve is trying to pull himself out of the tub to follow when a stern “Steve stay put until we come back for you.” sounds from the other room. Steve huffs but decides against inciting Tony’s wrath.

It isn’t long until Tony is back. “Sam is getting your boy situated. You keep that arm pressed tight where it is. I will haul you up and then we will stumble our way outta here like a couple of sorority girls after the Kappa Sig Halloween party. Sound good, man with the plan?”

Steve just snorts and holds out his right hand. Tony grasps it and easily levers Steve upright before slipping under his arm and propping him up as they head into the bedroom. Sam had rearranged the pillows and pulled back the blankets, so it is easy for Steve to slide into bed next to Bucky. Steve lets Sam indulge his mother hen tendencies – pilling up the blankets, finding another to add to the bottom of the bed just in case, fetching a glass of water – but when he sees Tony edging closer to the door he interjects.

“Hey Sam? I think we’re good. Thank you. Tony, can I talk to you for a second?” Tony studies him, a faint frown on his face, but agrees. Sam, after one last blanket adjustment, leaves with a reminder to call if they need anything.

Steve waits until he hears the elevator doors close before he speaks again. He finds he can’t look at Tony, instead staring down at his lap. “Tony there is something I need to tell you….” He begins slowly. “Bucky, he…. Oh God. I should have told you this before I asked you to help! Now it seems like I am manipulating you or something! I swear I would never do that! But you need to know and if… if you need us to… oh God, if you need us to leave after I tell you we will. I don’t know what I would do without you guys, but I promise I will leave if you need me to and I just – “

Steve doesn’t notice Tony moving across the room until a calloused hand gently captures his wildly gesturing one, cutting off his rambling. “I know.” Tony says quietly.

“No, no you don’t, and I don’t know how – “

“The Winter Soldier killed my parents.”

Steve gapes at Tony who smiles sadly. “Steve, I have been scouring the internet for weeks trying to find Bucky. I followed up with every small bit of information I could find that seemed even remotely related. I learned the truth about my parents a few weeks ago.”

“You didn’t say anything.”

Tony sighs and looks away. “You were so on edge anyway – I didn’t want you to tip over into a Rage.” He holds up a hand to cut off Steve’s protest. “That is not the only reason. I read what they did to him, Steve. I watched the videos. It wasn’t Bucky that killed them Steve – it was the Winter Soldier. I won’t hold him accountable for something that wasn’t his fault. I already accepted him as part of the pack, remember?”

Steve is speechless, but Tony doesn’t seem to expect a response. He pats Steve’s hand and goes to leave. Just before the door Tony stops and turns back to Steve. “I know it will be hard for you, but tomorrow you can’t take any of Bucky’s pain. Bruce and I will probably need your help, so we can’t have you immobilized. You got it?”

Steve nods and Tony inclines his head, leaving with a quiet “Get some sleep, Cap.”

Mind whirling, Steve slumps in the bed. He reaches out with his good arm and drags Bucky into his side, marveling at how lucky he is to have his team – his pack – behind him. Burying his face in his mate’s hair, Steve finally lets his mind succumb to the relief of sleep.


	3. Can You Fix the Broken?

Tony isn’t sure how long he has been staring into the cold cup of coffee, mind whirling, before he is startled out of his revery by arms encircling him. Only the quick **_It’s just me, easy_** over the bond keeps him from lashing out. Tony slumps back into Pepper and lets her gently pry his hands off the coffee cup. Interlacing their fingers and resting their joined hands on Tony’s stomach she asks, **_What’s going on with you? You are projecting all over the place._**

**_Sorry._** Tony winces.

**_Don’t apologize, talk to me._** Pepper replies. 

Tony lets his head drop back onto Pepper’s shoulder and breathes in the light vanilla and lilac scent of his mate, trying to organize his thoughts. **_Bruce and I were right,_** he begins slowly. **_We are a preliminary pack._**

Pepper pauses. **_… I don’t want to know how you figured that out, do I?_**

**_Uh, no? Probably not._** Tony hesitantly probes the bond but Pepper seems more ruefully amused than anything else so he leaves it at that.

**_Tony? Is that what’s upsetting you? Because we talked about this - being a pack is a wonderful thing, especially for you. And if you and the others want I would be happy to be a part of the pack. I have no objections._** Pepper reassures him.

**_No, I know…._** Tony interjects, but then pauses. **_Steve and Bucky are like us._** He says. He is once again reminded of how much he loves his mate when she doesn’t even blink at his seemingly abrupt topic change.

**_Like us? …. Oh no, what happened?_ **

**_JARVIS called Sam and I up to Steve’s floor - he had taken just enough of Bucky’s pain to know Bucky out… Steve couldn’t move. Those sick Hydra fucks wired the arm directly into Bucky’s nervous system without any concern for feeling - just function._ **

**_Jesus Christ._** Pepper swears vehemently. **_What can we do?_**

**_Bruce and I are heading up soon to try and take it off. But Pep - I am going to have to hurt Bucky - hurt Steve. There is no way to help without it. It is going to be bad._ **

**_I am so sorry._** Pepper says softly, tightening her hold. **_I know that will be rough on all of you._**

**_Pepper._** Tony interrupts. He can feel himself start to hyperventilate. Pepper notices as well, if the concern filtering over the bond is any indication. **_Steve knows. About Bucky. And my - my parents. What if he thinks I am doing it on purpose? Like some kinda payback or something?_**

Tony startles and almost tumbles to the floor as his chair is suddenly wrenched around. “Breathe Tony.” Pepper says out loud, voice gentle but backed by a hint of Alpha steel. Tony focuses on sucking in air, trying to time his heaves with the exaggerated motion of Pepper’s breathing. When did breathing get so hard?

Slowly Tony matches his breath to Peppers. He slumps in gratitude. Pepper smiles at him. Tony grins back. His mate is….

“JARVIS can you connect me to Steve, please?”

… a filthy traitor.

“No Pepper! What are you doing? Why would you? No! JARVIS stop this, no -”

“Hey Pep - Tony? What’s wrong?”

Tony snaps his mouth shut and glowers at Pepper. She wants to talk to Steve? Fine. She can talk to him. Pepper gives him a surprised look when he refuses to answer - when honestly she should expect this after so long with him. When Tony merely raises an eyebrow, still glowering, Pepper huffs an exasperated sigh and answers the increasingly alarmed inquiries coming from Steve. Ok, maybe refusing to answer had been a little cruel. Tony loses the scowl and slumps in his seat, dropping his head into his hands.

“Hey Steve.” Pepper says calmly. “Is Bucky still asleep?”

“Yeah he is. Pepper what is going on? Is Tony ok?” Comes the swift and anxious reply.

“I’m fine Cap.” Tony mutters.

“No, you’re not.” Pepper replies sharply. “And don’t even think of closing me out - it won’t help your case.” She snaps. Tony makes a face but stops trying to dampen his end of the bond. He is honestly relieved that Pepper is taking control of the situation. He feels to scattered to handle this right now. A brief pulse of fondness has him glancing up to meet Pepper’s understanding eyes.

“Pepper.” Tony blinks. Steve’s voice is still anxious, and there is a hint of command seeping in as his inquiries go unanswered. Pepper bristles instinctively at the order from another alpha. That might be a problem if they truly decide to be a pack. Tony’s upset over this thought must translate over the bond as Pepper takes a deep breath and forces herself to relax. Her tone is still somewhat short when she answers Steve, however.

“I heard about Bucky’s arm.” Her ability to remain angry faltered here and her voice softens as she adds, “I’m sorry Steve. I know it hurts you when he hurts.”

“I know you do.” Steve’s tone is also softer and conciliatory. “I’m sorry Pepper, I am just on edge right now.”

“I know. And I am only going to make it worse here and I am sorry for it but I need to for Tony’s sake. Yours and Bucky’s and mine as well really.”

“Go on.”

“You know that Bucky’s arm is wired into his nervous system. Have you thought about what that means for removing it?”

Tony holds his breath. Explaining this to Steve is not something he has any desire to do. If Steve says no he is leaving the room. That’s it. Pepper turns to give him a look as if she sense his imminent departure. He shakes his head. Nope. Not doing it.

It isn’t necessary.

“Yes.” Steve finally replies. He sounds flats in a way Tony has come to recognize as Steve’s way of controlling emotion.

Pepper winces but continues undeterred. “So you know it is going to be painful no matter how gentle and careful Tony and Bruce are? That there is only so much they can do to minimize the pain? Despite them doing everything they can?” Pepper is nearly challenging by the end.

“What?” Steve is startled enough that his voice loses the flatness. “Of course. Why would you…” The line goes silent. The hair on Tony’s nape crawls but it takes him another minute to determine why.

Steve hasn’t gone totally silent. He is releasing some strange noise that is caught halfway between whining and growling, so low that Tony can barely hear him. Concerned, Tony hesitantly asks, “Steve?”

A sharp, quickly strangled whine answers him before Steve finds his voice. “Tony.” He chokes. “Did you think I would blame you?”

“Well - um - you know about my parents and - uh - you thought I would make you leave. But I don’t want you to. And I don’t want to hurt Bucky … or you especially, but I have to in order to help and - “

“Tony.” Steve’s voice cuts through his rambling and Tony shuts his mouth with a click. “I won’t blame you. I could never. I am so thankful for everything you have done and are doing for us - for me. We are pack, remember? You reminded me last night and now I am reminding you - never feel like you have to hide from me. If you were worried you should have just talked to me instead of stressing yourself… and Pepper…. And me out.” 

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” **_To you too, Pep. Thank you._**

**_I love you._** Comes the reply. Tony smiles at her shyly. Even after all these years he still has trouble believing Pepper stay and means it - yet another reason he wants a pack more than anything.

Clearing his throat, Tony asks, “How’s the arm Cap? You have motion back yet?”

“Yeah I -” A terrified whine interrupts on Steve’s end. “Shit, Buck’s having another nightmare. I need to go wake him up.”

“Ok, go.” Tony reassures quickly. “I will grab Bruce and out tools and we’ll be up soon. I will make sure and bring some breakfast up as well.”

“Thanks Tony. I’ll see you soon.” The line clicks off halfway through a heart wrenching sob. 

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Tony swears, rubbing his hands over his face roughly before pushing back his hair. This has already been a long day and it is barely 7 am. “Pepper could you -” He trails off as he turns to find Pepper already pulling things from the fridge.

“Go.” She says without turning around. “Grab Bruce and whatever else you need. I will have something ready by the time you get back.”

**_You are amazing._** Tony replies, sending a burst of gratitude with the words.

Making his way down to Bruce’s floor, he enters to find the physicist bent over the kitchen table, scattered mugs and hastily scrawled notes suggesting he has been there awhile. 

“Hey Brucie Bear, how’s it going?” Tony asks, approaching the table. He has to suppress a snort of amusement when Bruce’s head snaps up and he blinks at Tony like a startled owl.

“Tony? Is it time to go?” Bruce asks, looking around for a clock. 

“Just about big guy. Please tell me you got at least some sleep last night.” Tony replies, studying the various mugs of half-drunk tea. 

Bruce waves a hand in his direction. “I got a few hours. I was busy.”

“Trust me I….” Tony trails off as something on the table catches his eye. He steps closer and spins the paper towards him. “Bruce… are these plans for attaching a new arm that would be functional without pain?”

Tony glances up to see Bruce watching him, shifting from foot to foot anxiously. “I just thought…. I mean I don’t know if he will want… but I had to figure out what Hydra did wrong and it wasn’t that far of a leap to see how you might do it right and… You’re grinning. What are you grinning at me Tony?”

As much as Tony despises Fury and his underhanded, manipulative ways, he would be forever grateful to the man for bringing Tony into contact with the first person he had ever found whose mind worked enough like Tony’s to keep up with him. “Jay open Project Robocop Mark 1.”

“As you wish, sir.” The AI replies, opening the model on a tablet half buried by paper. Tony pulls it off the table and hands it to Bruce. Bruce stares for a moment before his eyes widen.

“Tony,” he breathes. “It’s beautiful.”

Tony flushes at the praise but luckily Bruce is too busy studying the model of an arm to notice.

“I started working on it weeks ago. Didn’t know what Hydra had done but figured I could do better. Like you said - I don’t know if he will even want a new arm but…”

“Sir?” JARVIS interjects. “Miss Potts would like me to inform you that the food is ready.”

“Food?” Bruce asks.

“Yeah, I figured we could take some food up, sit down and talk about things before we start. Let’s head down to the labs and grab whatever we need.”

Bruce follows Tony into the elevator. He gets off at his lab floor after agreeing to meet Tony in the penthouse before heading to Steve’s floor. Once at his own lab, Tony quickly grabs everything he thinks might be useful. Throwing them in a box he makes his way back to the penthouse where Pepper and Bruce are waiting.

They are standing in the living room, a large bag leaning against Bruce’s leg and an impressively loaded tray on the coffee table next to Pepper. Stopping just inside the elevator Tony calls, “JARVIS can you let Steve know we are on our way up? Give him and Bucky a heads up?”

“Of course, sir. Are all three of you heading up?”

Tony looks at Pepper and hesitates. She must catch the direction of his thoughts as she answers, “No JARVIS, we don’t want to overwhelm Bucky more than absolutely necessary. This is already going to be hard on everyone. I will head to the office.”

“Very well Miss Potts.” The crisp British voice sounds alarmingly relieved. Before Tony can delve too far into that thought, Pepper nudges him over the bond.

**_I moved all my meetings today. I will only be a few floors away. If you need to tap out do so. If you need me I can be here in minutes._ **

Tony grimaces at her.

**_Tony._** This time the sending is stronger, with enough command behind it to have Tony hurrying to explain his resistance.

**_I have to help him._ **

Pepper softened. **_I know. But you won’t do anyone much good if you hurt yourself pushing too hard._**

**_I can handle it._** Tony counters stubbornly.

Pepper sighs. **_I know you are going to do whatever you feel is right regardless of what I ask… Just - be careful? Please?_**

Tony flushes guiltily and looks away but nods. Bruce looks between the two of them and asks, “Everything settled?”

“Yes.” Pepper responds. “Here, Bruce, can you take this?” She waits until Bruce has swung the large bag over his shoulder before holding out the laden tray. He carefully takes it and moves to join Tony at the elevator.

As the doors close behind them, Tony says quietly, “Maybe I should head in first since I am a little familiar, then you can come in? Try to keep Bucky as calm as possible?”

Bruce nods slowly. “I think that is probably the best way to approach this. I also think you should leave your tools here with me and take the food in. Bring a positive offering instead of a negative one.”

Tony blinks and glances down at the open box of tools he is carrying. If someone came at him with a box like this and he knew they were planning on using them on him…. Tony swears and almost drops the box.

“Hey, whoa, Tony it’s alright. Listen - we will get off the elevator, you will put your tools down right there, take the tray from me and go to Steve and Bucky. Once Bucky is comfortable enough I will join you, leaving tools by the elevator. We will get him used to me and do a quick assessment without our tools and try to figure out exactly what we need. Then we grab only those to start with.”

Inhaling a shaky breath, Tony nodded. Bruce looked at him sympathetically. “It is not the same thing Tony. We are helping.”

“So was Yinsen - didn’t make it better to wake up to him with his hands in my chest Bruce?” Don’t go there, don’t go there…..

“Shit.” Tony vaguely hears Bruce swear and then continue, “JARVIS hold the elevator!” Staring at the tools in his hands, Tony tries to focus on them instead of the images pushing at his brain. He makes an inarticulate noise as the box is pulled from his grasp. Warm, callused hands replace it and then a rumpled head of curls and dark gentle eyes fill his vision. Bruce doesn’t say a word, just gives Tony something to cling to that is very much a factor of the present and not the past.

It takes longer for Tony to reach equilibrium this time, but Bruce waits patiently through it all. Once Tony is mostly settled, Bruce comments softly, “We will explain everything to both Bucky and Steve. We get both of their consent before we start anything. We check in along the way. We are going to help, Tony. It will be alright.”

Tony tugs on Bruce’s hands and leans forward until he was propped against his science bro, forehead pressed to Bruce’s collarbone. Bruce goes easily, wrapping his arms around Tony. “You and I both know the horror of non-consensual body modification. We know enough to do this right Tony.”

“Yeah.” Tony croakes. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” Bruce chastises gently. “We are all going to have some issues to work through with this. Better to acknowledge them than try and shut them down. Now - are you ready to go up or do you need a minute?”

“Ready.” Tony answered, pulling back from Bruce.

“Alright. Send Pepper some reassurance before she barges up here ok?”

Ah, fuck. Tony had unconsciously blocked his side of the bond while trying to focus on Bruce. While it means Pepper probably hadn’t felt his panic attack, if she had tried to check on him while the bond was blocked she would be pissed. Gingerly he opens the bond… and gets the same low level concern and anxiety he had been sensing before the attack. Heaving a sigh of relief, Tony is brought back to his surroundings by the quiet ping of the elevator arriving.

Bruce picks up the tray and hands it to Tony. “Go on. JARVIS will let me know when you want me.”

Tony steps out of the elevator and over to Steve’s door. JARVIS silently slides the door open and Tony steps through, calling softly, “Steve? Bucky? It’s Tony.”

“Living room.” comes the relaxed reply and Tony follows to find Steve propped in one corner of the couch. Bucky is lying between Steve’s legs, but he is facing the door when Tony enters the room. He gives Tony a shy, shaky smile that Tony eagerly returns.

“I come bearing gifts.” Tony announces, raising the laden tray.

“Looks delicious.” Steve smiles warmly at Tony and gestures him over. Tony drops the tray on the coffee table near the two and then hesitates, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Steve reaches out and grabs Tony’s wrist, using the hold to gently reel Tony closer. He scents Tony and the tension eases before Tony returns the gesture. Tony turns to Bucky in question. The other omega is already tipping his head to offer Tony access. Tony gratefully accepts and presses close to let Bucky scent him as well.

Dropping to the floor next to the couch and leaning against the leg Steve slides off the couch, Tony starts to make a plate for Steve. After passing it over, Tony asks Bucky what he wants on his plate.

Bucky shrugs. “I don’t really know what I like anymore.”

Determinedly ignoring the heartbreaking expression on Steve’s face, Tony grabs a plate and adds a small sample of everything from the tray. “Here.” He says as he places the plate on Bucky’s lap. “Try whatever looks good. We will keep track of which you like and which you don’t and go from there.”

Bucky nods and starts to investigate what is on his plate. Steve sneaks a hand down to give Tony’s shoulder a squeeze and Tony presses into his leg in acknowledgment. He starts to load up his own plate before asking, “Is it okay if Bruce comes in?” He focuses on the food in front of him, ignoring the silent conversation taking place behind him. 

“Okay.” It is Bucky who answers and Tony gives him a reassuring grin before telling JARVIS to let Bruce know. A moment later the physicist is hovering in the doorway.

“Come on in Bruce, grab some food.” Steve says. “Bruce, this is Bucky. Bucky, this is my very good friend Bruce.”

Bruce smiles at Bucky as he settles on the opposite side of the coffee table from Tony. “It is wonderful to finally meet you Bucky.” Bruce says as he begins to fill his plate.

Bucky nods, hastily trying to swallow his mouthful of cantaloupe to answer. Tony hides a grin and makes a note to get more fruit for Bucky to try out. The four of them settle in to eat, keeping the conversation light and making sure Bucky feels safe and comfortable. 

Once they have picked through everything Pepper had prepared, Tony takes and breath and finally addresses the reason he and Bruce are here.

“Hey Bucky? I know the arm is hurting you. Bruce and I think we can help with that. We would need to look over you and then work on the arm. But I swear we will tell you everything we are doing and you can stop us at any point. Are you willing to let us help you?”

Bucky studies him for a long minute before turning the same scrutiny on Bruce. They all remain quiet, letting Bucky some to a decision in his own time. Bucky darts a quick look at Steve before turning to Tony.

“Do we have to go to a lab?”

“No.” Tony answers easily. “We can do it right here is you want.”

Bucky nods slowly. “And Steve can stay?”

“Of course. I doubt I could keep him away if I tried. Not that I would. I think him being here is a good thing. I swear Bucky, we just want to help you. You are in charge here.”

Bucky studies Tony for another minute and then draws in a slow breath. “Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> come visit me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/captaindean13)!


End file.
